My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
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I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
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I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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