Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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