god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
