There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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