I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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