Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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