Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
