He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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