I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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