I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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