yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Your penis caused this!
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
