I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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