This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize