I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
