I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Randomize
