We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
