new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
