Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
