She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
