Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
