she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Let's paint friendship bongs
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
There are leaves in my underwear?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
