I wish I could teleport
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Welp...herpes.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
