Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
