So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
