My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
