The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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