due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
