dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
