Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
