I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize