i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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