My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize