Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
