I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
