i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize