I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
