Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
So much rum. So many feels.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
