Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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