At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
