it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
