So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize