her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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