Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Randomize
