Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
