Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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