Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
