Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.