I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Is her dick bigger than yours?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
