the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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