is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
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i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
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I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.