He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Your shirt... Was in my pants