I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
