I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
