ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
