Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
