it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
