I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
