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his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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