She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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