I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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