I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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