i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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