I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
