allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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