please come you make the beer taste better
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
