Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
